SORROW – 2016, THE SADDEST YEAR OF MY LIFE

I lost only people that made the difference in my life, that gave me hope, that dried my tears with their songs that caressed my ears. It started with David Bowie (Sorrow – His song that I love more and the version of Comfortably Numb, outshining the original one sung by Roger Waters); Alan Rickman (that didn’t sing, but was enchanting with the most expressive eyes of the movies and acted much better than Bruce Willis in Die Hard); Prince Rogers Nelson (aka Prince – Purple Rain!); Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou (aka George Michael – Careless Whisper!) and my mother, even mistreating me, beating me, spanking me and taking out my blood, prepared me for the world.

My solace is to know that you are there in the sky. When I stare at you all there, I will see a portion of stars singing to the angels and comforting me when I see you shining over the darkness of my soul and saying: Katia, go forward!

Thank you so much to you all. God Bless you all always and I feel, feel, saudades (miss you a lot). You only made me good, I am talking about the singers, by the rare happy moments that I had in my life that were given to me for you all.

Katia Paes

THE DESOLATE HEART - THE PORTRAIT

For you who always knew who I am, the desolate heart, saying that I suffered so much, congratulations! You have the sensibility in full bloom and the intelligence touching the sky. I was sold in 20th. I was not sold by money, but by a pension.

The marriage which is done without the communion of souls does not worth anything for the communion of bodies, this way tending to fail like this one of the photo below, mine.

For those who never read the story, here is the link: http://dkfeelings.blogspot.com.br/2016/04/the-desolate-heart.html

Kátia Paes

THE 4th STAGE OF LOVE

There are four sorts of love in our life: the spring one, with its innocence, sometimes warm, sometimes tepid, and full of hope like the flowers that unbutton. We listen the birds singing even when they do not sing. This is the love which the single sin is being naïve, we blindly believe in the person and not for few times we get disappointed with him or her, then the summer love comes next, warm, possessive, sex 24 hours per day and If we make and stand it, like John and Yoko, this is that one that you kill in the illogical and sudden reaction of the anger. 99% sex and 1% of the rest. Usually the men’s working head is the low one, not the upper one and then comes the adultery, many children, divorce, etc…

Afterwards, like a calm and ease sea, comes the autumn. We want more a faithful companion. We have two ears to listen to and one mouth to speak less, sex on the right measure, more comprehension and less discussion.

In my opinion, the perfect love is the winter one. This one happens when we have passed through the largest part of deceptions of other loves and we have got experienced, the comprehension worth much more, to listen to the other, the sex is truth, it decreases as the time goes by, but surely you will have besides a husband, a friend and companion for all occasions. It is a pity this love is so perfect, but it lasts a short time, because we hit the maturity with it. We acquire patience, tolerance and we love fully, no defects, because more than everything is our companion, it is a total complicity, it is when we arrive to the plenitude of love, that is why it is so short, because it is so perfect and all perfection lasts a short period.

In the end we already are beaten, we suffered and got disappointed. The good thing would be the absence of the perfection of the winter and the follies of the summer, that it was autumn where we could be lovers and accomplices. In other words, the spring love sins by the naïveté, not for virtue, not because of the innocence in thinking we know everything and we know nothing, we’ve barely took out our diapers. In the summer love, we sin due to the excess because everything is exaggerated. The spring love for me is the perfect one, because If we know how to drive it we arrive in the winter love, where usually we sin for its short period of lasting because we are old and the illness make us companionship. It is so perfect that when someone from the couple pass away the other goes right behind, think well, we are talking about true love.

This is a weekly saga in which I am going to talk about with real examples, but the worst of all of them is do not know any of them.

Katia Paes

THE BIGGEST LIE

To all those people who will have a sad Christmas like me due to human losses, material losses, ingratitude, forgetfulness, I ask you to be brave or do like me, make it a common day, that it is supposed to be, because in the end this was a pagan celebration borrowed by the Christians. Well, If you think Christ was born on December 25^th I cannot assure, I was not there, I was not born yet, so do it like me, lock yourself in the bedroom, in the living room, play a good music loud and remember: don’t cook, because everybody regrets on 25^th. This is the day that the world commits the sin of the GLUTTONY. Among the seven ones, there are better sins. Listen to a big truth: God is with you during all days of your life and He will send his angels to consulate you. Keep in mind that there is no evil that lasts forever and neither a never-ending good. It is just one day. You will have more 364 to turn the table. Make profit of 31^st to thank for you close 2016 while many people have not achieved, you are alive. You should think “what an annoying woman” to tell me how I should act, but I do not want you feel the only person to suffer while in the world there are more people like us. If the tears fall hardly off your face, do not dry them, even less try to hold them up because they are washing out your heart and your soul. The pain or hate which you are feeling get weak with time, only the hurt is everlasting or while we are in this world. Remember one thing that makes you good, about a fact that makes you happy, so it will make you a good feeling.

Me, in my opinion, I want make it clear, in my opinion, I think Christmas, the symbol of Santa Claus the most inhuman figure for those who are not lucky of having a good financial situation. Think about a child that lives on the streets or a child whose father is unemployed, when the other kids, living in good conditions, start showing their new toys, how suffering it is going to be to this poor child. I know that I stopped believing on him, because I always wanted a bike that never came and for my brother it was there, leant on his bed. The truth popped up before my eyes and the hurt in my heart. What did I do to do not deserve the bicycle? I was not mean! Who follows my blog knows that I am a survivor from the Revolution of 64. My mom was used to paint, make some crafts and I went out to sell them along with my Aunt Olivia, besides I sell them at the high school. In the week that precedes the New Year, I went with my aunt to Caxias in order to sell some t-shirts for my mom, so someone asked me why I was so sad and I said that I had no idea why Santa Claus forgot one more time my bicycle. I was wondering if he had really received my letter or If he switched me by another child by mistake? Then one young lady called me at the corner, her name was Leondina, and told me the truth, so I lost my ground, my mother had my brother as favourite and me, the one who helped her that much, was not her favourite or she didn’t like a girl like child, maybe it is, isn’t it? So Leondina told me this way:

- Katia, do not be sad. The human being in its biggest part has a bad essence. See how they treat the animals and their neighbours. Christmas is a big mean lie, because it diminishes, it segregates and it revolts those who cannot celebrate it.

I replied:

- No, it is not mean.

And her:

- No? Let’s see: your neighbour doesn’t talk to you the whole year and in the Christmas he or she wishes you a Merry Christmas and after you are forgotten during the round year again. Do you want another example?

And I said her:

- I want it.

Then:

- The mother says to Little John: “You cannot lie lad! It is ugly and God punishes who lies!” Right after the mother comes back and asks: “What are you going to ask to Santa Claus, my son? Do not forget to send the little letter, otherwise he will not come”. Do you want a lie bigger than this one?

Coming back to the current days I am going to pretend that he exists and ask him the truth in first place, no inequality, where the people remind of the 10 commandments and make to others what they would do for themselves and this Christmas spirit would last the whole year, not this day of gluttonousness and many times of ostentation, that the poor had eaten all the year long, with worthy health. I do not wish that there is no corruption because it will always exist, it is addicting and desiring that it gets extinguished is an utopia or a miracle and I am very grounded. I believe in miracles, but not this one, because it depends of the human being, not from God. My friend, I wish we have an awesome day 25^th,26^th, 27^th… an awesome 2017!!!

Amen, kisses from the friend Katia Paes.

THE LITTLE ROACH

I think it is interesting when someone asks me if I have ever read METAMORPHOSIS from Kafka. I have never read, but I know maybe there is a similarity due to the sadness caused by my raising process with indifference and mistreatment. I was beaten with a hook for clothes, a broom and whatever was close to my mother hands. I do not know if this is his case, but also indifference.

My mother signed for me to get married without being pregnant or anything, I was 16, so I identify myself when he says about the roach. If I transform myself into a roach, I would like to be one of those small ones because my mother would kill me. If I was a big roach she would leave me in peace or ask someone else to make it. There is nothing that hurts more than the indifference of a father and a mother and the indifference between siblings, all for one and nothing for the other one. Only the person who passed through it, felt it in the flesh and in the heart, will feel it.

Now I will read METAMORPHOSIS. Getting aware that someone else besides me got destructed because of it little by little, in homeopathic doses, is very sad. I think I have never read Kafka because his raising was similar than mine. I will suffer for me and for him. Remembering sad things is suffering twice. Here is a single example: my mother only kissed me once, in my wedding, because she was getting rid of me and the world is like a wheel, I took care of her in the end.

PS: We only wish to be an insect when we think we are less than they are, when we are running out of self-esteem. As we cannot become an insect, we make a self-destruction.

Katia Paes

IN LAND OF WOLVES...

In land of wolves, sheeps don't graze.

Kátia Paes

INDIGENT?

So dark as the darkness,

Promises not accomplished,

Involuntary loneliness,

Machiavellian falsehood,

Slander,

Perfidy,

Arrogance,

Prepotency.

The word “indigent”, for me, it is the worst preconception that exists. Everybody is born a person, the fact of losing money or by the lack of luck in life or to die without being identified don’t make you an indigent, he or she keeps being a person, but no identification.

Contempt of a son or daughter with the parents, as we were nothing, simple, they have reached the maturity, to the adult life automatically, they did not need of us. We did not need to weep, unslept nights, nothing. We are toilet paper, disposable.

The excessive vanity, of those who has as a certainty that they will never get old and mainly who mistreat the animal, a pet that only gives love to us. When we do it we show our real character, the real cowardice, and their love for us is so big that they barely react, just accept their poor destiny, it is sad.

If you find yourself in more of 5 of that list, I regret to let you know, at the same time with an incredible joy, that you will be under the merciless wrath of the Almighty.

Kátia Paes

HUNGER

Who makes the hunger of others, an ally used to kill little animals in the street that did nothing to them, will die in bitter water, because God punishes when He said: “You will love your neighbour” and not your alike. This one will die of bitter tears of agony and of suffering of the little animals that they have killed. Here we do, here we pay. Many people in their old age get cambered, voiceless, and we feel pity, however, in their youth, maybe they did many evil acts with the animals, and many of them may have done what I have told above, because nothing gets unaware to the divine justice. Please, don’t leave people mistreat animals in the streets, because they already have the streets as a step-mother.

                                KÁTIA PAES

MEAN VOCABULARY

Words that do not fit in the vocabulary of Katia Paes and should not fit in yours as well:

1.             Arrogance;

2.             Envy;

3.             Preconception;

4.             Cruelty with Animals;

5.             Intolerance;

6.             Ignorance (Stupidness);

7.             Forgiveness.

Because If you have done these words above, you do not deserve not even the forgiveness of those you have hurt neither the forgiveness of God, because you know that you are wrong and do it even though.

KÁTIA PAES

THE BEST SCHOOL

Me, Kátia Paes, graduated by the College of Suffering, post-graduated in pain, masters in humiliation, doctorate degree in indifference, P.h D in survival.

Do the same. There is no better college than this one that I studied at, the college of street, even possessing a home and a family.

                                                                                                                                                  Kátia Paes

WHEREVER YOU ARE (Platonic Love's Trilogy)

Too sad, you are gone, forever, you took my heart with you, my hope, my important being, because only you, only with you I felt myself important, you took my everything. Today I am only skin, hollow, emotionless, even far away it was divine to know you were breathing, somewhere in this world, it did not matter, you were breathing, even you being halfpenny, vengeful, there was no obstacle you could not overcome, there was not.  I wanted you even being made of the poorest material, made of the worst kind of chita existent in the market, but you were dressing my soul, however, you put an end on your existence and penalised me by my lack of courage to be with you. If I hadn’t had been raised with so much hypocrisy, with so much preconception, with so many lies like was my education, I would have sent everything to hell and I would be at your side.

At this very moment I would exchange my entire life to be at least for 15 minutes, just me and you, so I would miss what I lived and not what could have been. I would have not the burden of my doubt, with this sensation to be missing something that I will never get back. Forgive me, I venerate you and I will always do it.   

PS: This story illustrates the third part of PLATONIC LOVE’S TRILOGY where two people love each other platonically, but because an act of cowardice of one or both of them, they become unhappy when their love did not turn into a real thing.

Note: The word chita means a kind of fabric sold in Brazil, made of a gross cotton, often with vivid colours,  which has a very poor quality and it’s too cheap, probably similar to the chintz fabric.

Kátia Paes

NO CONSCIENCE

Today on TV it has been shown one more child who has passed away, child of someone and grandchild too, dead by the bad service, the lack of medicines and by the lack of physicians at the health centre. I get sad, in anger, with a woman that is the head of the government where it has been stolen as it never had been, a woman, a mother and a grandmother, with two grandchildren, can put her head in the pillow and have the sleep of the just? She is not worried with the suffering of the mothers and grandmothers of Brazil when they lose their children and their grandchildren? How it does not touch her soul? How can she be so cold and after talks about a Coup? A coup happens when you sleep in a government and wakes up in another, a coup has no low and high chamber, they just seize it how they have done in 64 where I was a victim, because that was a coup, not all this rigmarole. I would not like to get in these political matters, but she wants an audience and she wants to end like a victim, suffering an injustice, it is a pity, because the people are dying and it is going to keep happening due to her stubbornness. There is a proverb that says: the people have the government chosen by themselves. It is true, but unfortunately there are people, like me, that did not vote on her.

I would like the Brazilian people learn with mistakes, but they will never learn, it is a cultural aspect, they always want to take advantage, they insist, insist and insist to commit mistakes, they have a short memory and sell themselves by few things. If they were not lazy, they would not need the social program called “bolsa família” ("Family Allowance"). They are having children in order to improve the amount of their benefits. When I see people that seems to be smart supporting her, I get sad. As I have never been an idealist and I never voted on her, this is my consolation, because I am a person who was caught by life in absolute terms, who learned about the human being, the physical and monetary poverty, then I am not fooled for anything as you will see pretty soon.

Kátia Paes

POISON

Some sorts of love are so strong, so strong, so strong that they grow little by little inside you like a poison ivy, when you realize you are no longer breathing, no longer eating, doing nothing, you only vegetate, all because of this love that poisons you piece by piece. This love is so deep, it has dominated you so much that not even the death will finish it. So only though the imbecility you lose the track about who you are, that you exist, consequently the love goes towards the end.

Kátia Paes

ONE THOUSAND TIMES A WOMAN

Unwise is the woman who thinks for being fulfilled like a woman she needs to become a mother, having a child, foster or visceral, getting married, getting subjugated, becoming a homemaker, not any such thing is needed. It’s enough she loves herself above everything, she deserves herself, she prevails herself and she acts like a whole woman, since the tips of the hair until the tips of the toes. Feel yourself like a woman, be a woman!

Kátia Paes

Introduction: PLATONIC LOVE’S TRILOGY

Three are the sorts of platonic love:

First: When the person loves and does not know that is loved in return. The presence of the loved person is enough, living in a state of grace, with sunny days, delightfully happy only for seeing the loved person;

Second: The loved person knows that is corresponded, despising that one who loves platonically. At this very moment, the life becomes a living hell, causing disillusionment, depression, corroding the entrails little by little for being extremely toxic;

Third: Two people love each other platonically, but because an act of cowardice of one or both of them, they become unhappy when their love did not turn into a real thing.

Soon I will write a chapter for one of these three sorts of platonic love. At least someone has passed or is passing through one of them.

See you soon!

 Kátia Paes

Thought of the evening: CLEVERNESS

                     The worst kind of clever person is the one who thinks to be the owner of the only cleverness of the world, that we all are ignorant and this is the first step to his or her debacle, but while he or she does not fall, we have to support this creature making our days worse and underestimating us.

Kátia Paes

PHRASES, THOUGHTS AND SOMETHING ELSE

Some truths are so absurdly absurd that they get a connotation of lie. (Kátia Paes)

There are mistakes that succeed so much, so much, so much that become a hit. I always did the right things and they always failed, that is why the best way is following the thought above. (Kátia Paes)

I cannot believe who gave the light (gave birth) gives darkness consciously. (Kátia Paes)

I love kids, when they are sleeping. (Kátia Paes)

 A wife should act like a mistress, but a mistress should never act like a wife. There are husbands that could even be absolved. I consider them innocent for having mistresses. (Kátia Paes) 

There is nothing sadder than a ridicule man do not have the slightest idea about it. (Kátia Paes)

It is better we give away what we have than we sell what we do not have. (Kátia Paes)

About the statement of public domain: “Where one earns his bread, one does not eat the meat”. Is that true? It depends how hungry you are. (Kátia Paes)

There is nothing sadder than being obliged to smile even when you want to shed tears. (Kátia Paes)

Thought of the day: WISDOM OR CHARITY OF GOD

God is so good, so good, so good with me that when He saw me underserved of children, He sends me one I had not given birth with the body, but with the heart, Caio. God do not always give what you want, but what you need. Thank you my Lord for Caio.

Kátia Paes

WE ARE NEVER ALONE

For those:  1) who find themselves alone;

                   2) that in a matter of minutes let the despair on command;

                   3) before the water drop runs over the glass;

                    You are not alone.

Living in a condominium is not easy and when there are people who are not able to do that, it gets even worse, becoming unbearable. I live at 504 and some new residents arrived for 604. A water leak happened in my bathroom for visits, coming from their bathroom. When it happened with mine, 2 years ago, I fixed it at the same time, because it’s a matter of pacific coexistence, but what’s correct is correct, what’s by right is by right and as Jesus said: “Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's and unto God the things that are God's”.

Well, I went to the syndic, he put himself in contact with them and they said him that they would not fix it and the leakage was getting worse. I talked with the woman resident and she told me that she would not fix it because she was an assistant of an alderwoman, that I could blow myself up* and If I was deranged, I could fix it by myself.

How could I fix it if the leakage was in her apartment?

Then she freaked out. I talked with the syndic and this one did not have authority to make her pay. Desperate, I called to her job, where she is an assistant of an alderwoman and again she freaked out telling me she would not fix it and she even menaced me to record the talking. I was not rude, she could have recorded it, and I would even like it. She used this recording stuff to menace me. When I saw the syndic did not have the authority enough to make her fix it, and she offended me, I left desperate. The worst thing is when you act correctly and the people act in a bad way with you, endorsed by the cowardice of the syndic. He is the power, he is the law, he must have obliged her to fix it and he did not, demanding harmony between us. How? She damaged my bathroom and she would not want to pay for! It is sad, there are people that feel pleasure when trampling the others’ life, causing them despair, bragging themselves for being an assistant of an alderwoman, being over the duties of a condominium’s resident.

I was walking by the streets and the despair got me in a so strong, so strong way because she vilified me, bragging herself for being better than I am. Myself, so humiliated since the 1964 Revolution here in Brazil, still a child, I felt like throwing myself in front of a pick-up, enough. I told: “God! Forgive me, it is so much humiliation since I was a child, this is not her who brags herself for being the assistant of an alderwoman who can trample others. I do not want to live in a world where there is no respect for others.” Since she moved to the condominium, she made my life a living hell. Ex: noise after 10pm, dragging a sofa, jumping over the sofa, walking on high heels after 1am. When I was about to throw myself in front of the pick-up I saw a family of sparrows, where a damned person threw a piece of bread in the middle of a busy central crossing between Avenida** Rio de Janeiro and Rua*** Sergipe, but none car hit them, because they were so tiny they became barely visible to the drivers. They almost touched them but no contact. One of them stayed in middle of the wheels of a car. The sparrow hit the bottom of the car and when it passed, the sparrow flew to the roof of a house safe and sound.

I understood it like a message from God. I crossed the street, removed the breadcrumbs of the ground for providing the same luck, but even this way some remained, so I prayed to God, thanking for the small ones being safe and not hit. I was worried for some crumbs remain stuck in the asphalt and then a torrential rain fell dissolving all the crumbs. Once more, I thanked God for my life and for the sparrows, showing me that I was not alone.

Kátia Paes

PS: This is a real story, not a fiction, and it really happened with me. I would like to share it with you all in order to motivate you to keep the faith and hope in some sad and hopeless situations.

References:

1)  *blow myself up: In Brazil, this expression means something like “screw myself”, but in a lighter way, or not, depends of the point of view in different countries and cultures;

2)      **Avenida = it means “Avenue” in Portuguese and Spanish;

3)      ***Rua = it means “Street” in Portuguese.

Thought of the day: MISJUDGEMENT

For you people with two or more children, do not bet in only one in detriment of the others.

Just because in your opinion your preferred is the most capable, intelligent and smarter, do not do it. Acting like this you will hurt the non-choose or untalented and maybe, he can be more capable than the other and, for any reason, you did not realize that or he did not show you. You got your hopes up on the other and he got upset, down to show you and disappoint you.

Do not forget the world turns and you may have committed two big mistakes: choosing the wrong one and hurting the discredited forever.

Kátia Paes

Message of the day: SUBMISSION

This is for you that work in the homes of other people. You must have a lot of patience, swallowing toads, frogs, by the way, all the swamp. Stay strong my friends!

PS: swallowing toad is an expression used in Brazil when someone needs to bear the absurd and the insults of their employers.

Kátia Paes

SCARS

There are calumnies, humiliations, privations which are caused on us by our neighbours, sometimes in the name of the pure pleasure, or for thinking they are be better, or yet, taking advantage of our condition of necessity, submitted under on them that depending on the intensity when they were done, become almost like the pain of loss. With time, they are becoming warm, but never get cold. They are scars that mark our soul, and like scars, they are always there.

Kátia Paes

TRILOGY GOD AND THE DEVIL – PART 1 – They Are Mindful to the Details

What condemns you? What absolves you? What raises you to God and what demeans you to the Devil? Great acts or small things of our day by day? For the majority, the day is very short to make charity.

Myself, how many times angry about the life or sad due to any reason, or finding myself unfairly treated, looked the ladies in the pavements with disdain and I never gave them one single penny.

Certain Sunday passing by a grocery store, I saw a young lady with the age of 15 at most and she held in her arms a newborn child and two children sat on the floor. She caught the newborn and raised it until me. I looked at her so angry and with so many despite as If I have said: “You only know to do it”. Not satisfied I said her: “Yes, to fuck, looking for a man with a nice weenie, open your legs to him, it was good, wasn’t it? You have three kids by your side!” I know she was irresponsible for bringing three children without conditions to this world and she will be responsible by their unhappiness, their starvation and their needs of life in the daily matters. Other woman coming behind me played the clairvoyant and prophesied: “Tomorrow all of them are going to be outlaws, to rob our children and our grandchildren. The girl will follow the same path of her mother and she will be a prostitute like her”. I just do not know what passed on my mind.

The real truth, that day was one of those that you do not wake up well, you are not good with yourself and with others. Surely, I will pay for that, even being only a finding and a comment, off my rights.

As that day was Sunday, I went to the church (PS: I stay years without going into one, but miracles happen, I went on.). I am not used to go to not even when I am desperate, asking to God to bring me peace and deliver myself to Him with body and soul, because I believe God is everywhere and not only in a predestined place. I went in, prayed for the souls, mainly for those ones that have always helped the animals, mainly the homeless animals, because these ones have the sky and the asphalt as witness of their own disgrace. I also ask the human being gets better, do not poison them, making of their starvation an ally of their death. In this meantime, I looked to one of my sides and I saw two old ladies who should be buying their ticket to the other side due to have a so burning praying, perhaps disturbing the priest or they were already considering themselves in the Heavens.

Once the mass was over, we left the church almost at the same time. A little dog black like a moonless night, because he was quite mistreated, really bad treated, poor dog. One of the old ladies that some minutes ago were praying with so many faith to God, has gotten her umbrella and hit the little dog that ran away crying when a car almost hit it. The other old lady, her sister in faith and pray, criticised her and then I thought: “It is great! At least I did not need to do it, to call her attention because of her lack of charity with the puppy”. When she turns back and says:

- You should not have hit with the umbrella on the itchy, you have had spoiled it and they are so expensive nowadays. In you place I would have kicked it, so it would run in the same way and you would not have none damage.

Laughing loud, the other finished with a pearl:

- I still have good legs. This miserable should have got dead yet.

As they would have done nothing important they went home very happy, scheduling to watch another mass in the next day, because it surely would drive them to God. As they were aged, their place in Heaven would be already reserved. Would it really be?

Kátia Paes

Introduction to the matter: GOD AND THE DEVIL ARE MINDFUL TO THE DETAILS

What condemns you to Heaven or Hell surely are the details, not the big things, because these ones we can see them. Only when we fly in airplane we see how small we are, then God is God and He is mindful to the details. He is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient.

Kátia Paes

Thought of the evening: DON’T BE AFRAID OF TRYING

There are mistakes that succeed so much, so much, so much that become a hit. By the way, I always did the right things and they always failed, that’s why the best way is following the thought above.

Kátia Paes

IMPERFECTIONS

My mother once was hospitalized by 11 months in Rio de Janeiro. I got out by 09:30am to arrive by 10:30am at the hospital, considering it was at Rio Comprido neighbourhood. Returning around 4pm any day, an unbearable heat, when the bus was passing by Botafogo beach the semaphore got red and I saw a homeless old lady seeming slight, pale and resembling quite unfortunate. She walked with a little black dog that kept the same resemblance, that one of hungry. When I decided to get out, the bus took off and then I got seated again. I could have jumped off in the next stop because still there would have time enough of reaching the old lady with the dog, but in that day I failed, I didn’t make it. I could have justified that I was tired, it was Friday, the bus had delayed a lot, N excuses, though I know I failed.

Both were squalid with so much hungry, it was too much sadness. Up till now I remember about the face of the dog. Why me? I always hand out food to the homeless puppies, because I always considered them major victims than the human being, because these ones buy them and when they get sick of the bought objects, they abandon them in any corner.

I try to justify me, maybe why one day, at Princesa Isabel Ave., in Rio de Janeiro, I saw a lady strolling with her dog. As she was homeless, she was shabby and pulling the little dog by a rope. As soon as I saw her, I ran into the grocery store and I bought two meat sachets to the dog. When the puppy saw me it approached timidly, by instinct it knew that there was some food to alleviate its suffering. Suddenly I heard a shout:

- Lady! My dog only eats home meal! – And repeated it at least by 2 times in an aggressive tone.

I could have said her:

- You are selfish and mean. Don’t you see it is hungry? – But the poor dog seemed it did not want a fight and went to be seated close to her. Today I would have done it in a different way, I would have bought 2 meals and handed out them, but when I went home I only could cry.

You know, about the biggest sins and dirty deeds that I have done in my life, these ones I am sure I will take it to the grave, beyond the eternity. For twice, God put me face to face with the hungry and I did nothing even passing through it. I feel myself like a monster, because I failed with my neighbour, not only with my resembling, the dog was my neighbour and nothing I did, I accommodated me in the uncertainty of others do what I should have done. As Molière said: “It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable”, I am in hell.

Kátia Paes

GOOD MORNING FRIDAY !

For you who access my blog, have a wonderful day! Even that thing you are quite sure that will not succeed, let it work! That everything runs in a great way! Your cranky boss gets in a good mood!  That you can find good things wherever your way may cross!

At last, that all days be wonderfully the best of your life!

Kátia Paes

TEARS

Do not cry, it does not worth. Tears poison the body little by little, raise infirmities, revolt and depression.  The only tears that you must cry are those of joy that make a good to your soul and pull the burden out of your heart. I really know how hard it is when we are humiliated and dependents of others who make everything to make our day even worse, it is nerve-racking.

Once it has been gone, give a deep breath and remember that nothing is everlasting, not even the suffering that now afflicts you. Carry on because better days are about to come.

Kátia Paes

Thought for the day: THE POVERTY

·         Sister of Pain;

·         Aunt of Humiliation;

·         Niece of Necessity;

·         Granddaughter of Desperation;

·         Daughter of Submission, and ;

·         Mother of Tears.

You can beat this family, beat it!

Kátia Paes