IMPERFECTIONS

My mother once was hospitalized by 11 months in Rio de Janeiro. I got out by 09:30am to arrive by 10:30am at the hospital, considering it was at Rio Comprido neighbourhood. Returning around 4pm any day, an unbearable heat, when the bus was passing by Botafogo beach the semaphore got red and I saw a homeless old lady seeming slight, pale and resembling quite unfortunate. She walked with a little black dog that kept the same resemblance, that one of hungry. When I decided to get out, the bus took off and then I got seated again. I could have jumped off in the next stop because still there would have time enough of reaching the old lady with the dog, but in that day I failed, I didn’t make it. I could have justified that I was tired, it was Friday, the bus had delayed a lot, N excuses, though I know I failed.

Both were squalid with so much hungry, it was too much sadness. Up till now I remember about the face of the dog. Why me? I always hand out food to the homeless puppies, because I always considered them major victims than the human being, because these ones buy them and when they get sick of the bought objects, they abandon them in any corner.

I try to justify me, maybe why one day, at Princesa Isabel Ave., in Rio de Janeiro, I saw a lady strolling with her dog. As she was homeless, she was shabby and pulling the little dog by a rope. As soon as I saw her, I ran into the grocery store and I bought two meat sachets to the dog. When the puppy saw me it approached timidly, by instinct it knew that there was some food to alleviate its suffering. Suddenly I heard a shout:

- Lady! My dog only eats home meal! – And repeated it at least by 2 times in an aggressive tone.

I could have said her:

- You are selfish and mean. Don’t you see it is hungry? – But the poor dog seemed it did not want a fight and went to be seated close to her. Today I would have done it in a different way, I would have bought 2 meals and handed out them, but when I went home I only could cry.

You know, about the biggest sins and dirty deeds that I have done in my life, these ones I am sure I will take it to the grave, beyond the eternity. For twice, God put me face to face with the hungry and I did nothing even passing through it. I feel myself like a monster, because I failed with my neighbour, not only with my resembling, the dog was my neighbour and nothing I did, I accommodated me in the uncertainty of others do what I should have done. As Molière said: “It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable”, I am in hell.

Kátia Paes