FURTIVE LOVE

Love between two married people is the hardest one, because we need to live together with the protagonists, satisfy the sidekicks and furthermore, don’t let your husband suspects, otherwise you can take some good slaps in which they will leave signals not only on your face, but on your own self-love. Hardly he’ll ask for changing the mattress, on the contrary of the cheated wife that in certain cases, she can hire someone else to kill you.

Nevertheless, I think, If you’ve won this gift, show your capacity of fooling the adversities. I would make it If I had courage, considering that I never made it, after all, we women are so mistreated, treated like an ownership, so few valued and in rare cases the contrary happens, that’s why, If this is your case, it worth the risk, since you know how to make it well.

I never made it maybe because I had fear about my reaction when making it, about mine and his. In the end, if he doesn’t like it, I’ll feel myself the worst woman of the world and, if he likes it and sticks like a bubble gum, in the place of having a husband and a lover, I’ll have two husbands and this will be the end. That’s why I had so many opportunities and I never made it.

If you are brave enough, don’t lose your time.

Kátia Paes

GOD DOES NOT SLEEP

All the adversaries united in the death of Ms. Marisa, ex-first lady, so stretched that she barely opened her eyes. How many plastic surgeries she should have done. I say it due to all the money spent with them would have fed many people that lost everything because of Lula and Dilma’s government. It could have ended the hungry of lots of people that have the street as their roof. They lost everything, even their dignity and so, what is the reason of a constitution if not used properly by any politician? Where is the housing and the health? They were people like you and me and in a f… country like it is now, no jobs, no hope, even the hope of the Brazilian people has been taken due to the corruption which is like smallpox, once we can only see it when it pops up, because when it is being transmitted to other people we don’t see it, they have only fever and in the case of the politicians, fever for money.

I don’t belong to this falsehood because I remember the soldier who committed suicide for not receiving his salary, 28 years old, very young, with the whole life ahead and she had a Faustian lifestyle. I see stores closing, people going in need, those ones who died at the corridor of hospitals by the lack of care, the small farm in Atibaia and the triplex apartment in Guarujá. They owned to her and the ex-president Lula, denied by him, the traffic of influence, etc… those who died by the lack of care at SUS (Public system of health) and still die, are less important than her? Do they cause less pain to their relatives instead of her own ones? Was she more mother than that poor one that died in pain at the cold corridor of an overloaded hospital, no medicines, dirty, full of water drops, with rats and roaches, sometimes on the floor? She died surrounded by all the comfort of a particular hospital and in the same time, another one should be dying on the cold floor and out of a comfort of a public hospital, or even on the streets, as it happens every day. So, to the family of the ex-president Lula, I hope she reaps what she seeded and from the SUPREME JUDGE nobody runs, I have told it, all of us will have our day of defendant. Caskets do not have drawer, as a popular proverb says.

One day all of us will pass by the democracy called Death that gets the rich, the poor and the average one. I hope she receives what she gave, that the tears and the blood of the innocents of the SUS fall over her. You may know that proverb: “Behind a great man there is always a great woman”, the contrary also works out and she came from a humble origin just like him, has she forgot what is being a dependent of the SUS? Let’s remind that her first husband was a taxi driver, but it is impressive how the poverty can be forgotten when someone arrives where she arrived, but God, the SUBLIME JUDGE, judged her and voilà: the death.

There is no stolen money that brings Ms. Marisa back to life. Thank you.   

Katia Paes

PS¹: To you all that were there: Lula, Fernando Henrique, José Sarney and all with advanced age, do not cry, soon you will be there with her and you will catch up.

PS²: You may think I am insensitive, but I am sensitive enough. I sensibilise myself with those who sleep in the open air on the streets, like the whole families living in São Paulo’s downtown. You can say they are vagabond, but they are not, they have been caught by the crisis as I was caught during Sarney’s mandate, but I had someone to count on and they do not. Before judging them put yourselves in their place. Those mothers with their children when they ask for milk, for bread and they cannot give them. People want jobs, want health. This crisis is so serious that one day there will not be people that they (politicians) can steal. People have no food on their table, ah, there are no tables too, while she had a triplex apartment to live in. I am not hypocrite. I hope she pays for it. It is said that one leaf does not fall without God’s permission. Eye for an eye. The Law of Return is pure physics. My heart aches when I see homeless people, nobody should pass thought what they are passing. See this absurd: when Brazil is paying for her burial ceremony there are people being buried as indigent in common graves. The law should pay for everyone and not for her because she is full of money. God does not warns when you will be judged.

To Lula Family that doesn't see, doesn't speak, doesn't listen to, ah... they don't know about anything too. 

SORROW – 2016, THE SADDEST YEAR OF MY LIFE

I lost only people that made the difference in my life, that gave me hope, that dried my tears with their songs that caressed my ears. It started with David Bowie (Sorrow – His song that I love more and the version of Comfortably Numb, outshining the original one sung by Roger Waters); Alan Rickman (that didn’t sing, but was enchanting with the most expressive eyes of the movies and acted much better than Bruce Willis in Die Hard); Prince Rogers Nelson (aka Prince – Purple Rain!); Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou (aka George Michael – Careless Whisper!) and my mother, even mistreating me, beating me, spanking me and taking out my blood, prepared me for the world.

My solace is to know that you are there in the sky. When I stare at you all there, I will see a portion of stars singing to the angels and comforting me when I see you shining over the darkness of my soul and saying: Katia, go forward!

Thank you so much to you all. God Bless you all always and I feel, feel, saudades (miss you a lot). You only made me good, I am talking about the singers, by the rare happy moments that I had in my life that were given to me for you all.

Katia Paes

THE DESOLATE HEART - THE PORTRAIT

For you who always knew who I am, the desolate heart, saying that I suffered so much, congratulations! You have the sensibility in full bloom and the intelligence touching the sky. I was sold in 20th. I was not sold by money, but by a pension.

The marriage which is done without the communion of souls does not worth anything for the communion of bodies, this way tending to fail like this one of the photo below, mine.

For those who never read the story, here is the link: http://dkfeelings.blogspot.com.br/2016/04/the-desolate-heart.html

Kátia Paes

THE 4th STAGE OF LOVE

There are four sorts of love in our life: the spring one, with its innocence, sometimes warm, sometimes tepid, and full of hope like the flowers that unbutton. We listen the birds singing even when they do not sing. This is the love which the single sin is being naïve, we blindly believe in the person and not for few times we get disappointed with him or her, then the summer love comes next, warm, possessive, sex 24 hours per day and If we make and stand it, like John and Yoko, this is that one that you kill in the illogical and sudden reaction of the anger. 99% sex and 1% of the rest. Usually the men’s working head is the low one, not the upper one and then comes the adultery, many children, divorce, etc…

Afterwards, like a calm and ease sea, comes the autumn. We want more a faithful companion. We have two ears to listen to and one mouth to speak less, sex on the right measure, more comprehension and less discussion.

In my opinion, the perfect love is the winter one. This one happens when we have passed through the largest part of deceptions of other loves and we have got experienced, the comprehension worth much more, to listen to the other, the sex is truth, it decreases as the time goes by, but surely you will have besides a husband, a friend and companion for all occasions. It is a pity this love is so perfect, but it lasts a short time, because we hit the maturity with it. We acquire patience, tolerance and we love fully, no defects, because more than everything is our companion, it is a total complicity, it is when we arrive to the plenitude of love, that is why it is so short, because it is so perfect and all perfection lasts a short period.

In the end we already are beaten, we suffered and got disappointed. The good thing would be the absence of the perfection of the winter and the follies of the summer, that it was autumn where we could be lovers and accomplices. In other words, the spring love sins by the naïveté, not for virtue, not because of the innocence in thinking we know everything and we know nothing, we’ve barely took out our diapers. In the summer love, we sin due to the excess because everything is exaggerated. The spring love for me is the perfect one, because If we know how to drive it we arrive in the winter love, where usually we sin for its short period of lasting because we are old and the illness make us companionship. It is so perfect that when someone from the couple pass away the other goes right behind, think well, we are talking about true love.

This is a weekly saga in which I am going to talk about with real examples, but the worst of all of them is do not know any of them.

Katia Paes

THE BIGGEST LIE

To all those people who will have a sad Christmas like me due to human losses, material losses, ingratitude, forgetfulness, I ask you to be brave or do like me, make it a common day, that it is supposed to be, because in the end this was a pagan celebration borrowed by the Christians. Well, If you think Christ was born on December 25^th I cannot assure, I was not there, I was not born yet, so do it like me, lock yourself in the bedroom, in the living room, play a good music loud and remember: don’t cook, because everybody regrets on 25^th. This is the day that the world commits the sin of the GLUTTONY. Among the seven ones, there are better sins. Listen to a big truth: God is with you during all days of your life and He will send his angels to consulate you. Keep in mind that there is no evil that lasts forever and neither a never-ending good. It is just one day. You will have more 364 to turn the table. Make profit of 31^st to thank for you close 2016 while many people have not achieved, you are alive. You should think “what an annoying woman” to tell me how I should act, but I do not want you feel the only person to suffer while in the world there are more people like us. If the tears fall hardly off your face, do not dry them, even less try to hold them up because they are washing out your heart and your soul. The pain or hate which you are feeling get weak with time, only the hurt is everlasting or while we are in this world. Remember one thing that makes you good, about a fact that makes you happy, so it will make you a good feeling.

Me, in my opinion, I want make it clear, in my opinion, I think Christmas, the symbol of Santa Claus the most inhuman figure for those who are not lucky of having a good financial situation. Think about a child that lives on the streets or a child whose father is unemployed, when the other kids, living in good conditions, start showing their new toys, how suffering it is going to be to this poor child. I know that I stopped believing on him, because I always wanted a bike that never came and for my brother it was there, leant on his bed. The truth popped up before my eyes and the hurt in my heart. What did I do to do not deserve the bicycle? I was not mean! Who follows my blog knows that I am a survivor from the Revolution of 64. My mom was used to paint, make some crafts and I went out to sell them along with my Aunt Olivia, besides I sell them at the high school. In the week that precedes the New Year, I went with my aunt to Caxias in order to sell some t-shirts for my mom, so someone asked me why I was so sad and I said that I had no idea why Santa Claus forgot one more time my bicycle. I was wondering if he had really received my letter or If he switched me by another child by mistake? Then one young lady called me at the corner, her name was Leondina, and told me the truth, so I lost my ground, my mother had my brother as favourite and me, the one who helped her that much, was not her favourite or she didn’t like a girl like child, maybe it is, isn’t it? So Leondina told me this way:

- Katia, do not be sad. The human being in its biggest part has a bad essence. See how they treat the animals and their neighbours. Christmas is a big mean lie, because it diminishes, it segregates and it revolts those who cannot celebrate it.

I replied:

- No, it is not mean.

And her:

- No? Let’s see: your neighbour doesn’t talk to you the whole year and in the Christmas he or she wishes you a Merry Christmas and after you are forgotten during the round year again. Do you want another example?

And I said her:

- I want it.

Then:

- The mother says to Little John: “You cannot lie lad! It is ugly and God punishes who lies!” Right after the mother comes back and asks: “What are you going to ask to Santa Claus, my son? Do not forget to send the little letter, otherwise he will not come”. Do you want a lie bigger than this one?

Coming back to the current days I am going to pretend that he exists and ask him the truth in first place, no inequality, where the people remind of the 10 commandments and make to others what they would do for themselves and this Christmas spirit would last the whole year, not this day of gluttonousness and many times of ostentation, that the poor had eaten all the year long, with worthy health. I do not wish that there is no corruption because it will always exist, it is addicting and desiring that it gets extinguished is an utopia or a miracle and I am very grounded. I believe in miracles, but not this one, because it depends of the human being, not from God. My friend, I wish we have an awesome day 25^th,26^th, 27^th… an awesome 2017!!!

Amen, kisses from the friend Katia Paes.

THE LITTLE ROACH

I think it is interesting when someone asks me if I have ever read METAMORPHOSIS from Kafka. I have never read, but I know maybe there is a similarity due to the sadness caused by my raising process with indifference and mistreatment. I was beaten with a hook for clothes, a broom and whatever was close to my mother hands. I do not know if this is his case, but also indifference.

My mother signed for me to get married without being pregnant or anything, I was 16, so I identify myself when he says about the roach. If I transform myself into a roach, I would like to be one of those small ones because my mother would kill me. If I was a big roach she would leave me in peace or ask someone else to make it. There is nothing that hurts more than the indifference of a father and a mother and the indifference between siblings, all for one and nothing for the other one. Only the person who passed through it, felt it in the flesh and in the heart, will feel it.

Now I will read METAMORPHOSIS. Getting aware that someone else besides me got destructed because of it little by little, in homeopathic doses, is very sad. I think I have never read Kafka because his raising was similar than mine. I will suffer for me and for him. Remembering sad things is suffering twice. Here is a single example: my mother only kissed me once, in my wedding, because she was getting rid of me and the world is like a wheel, I took care of her in the end.

PS: We only wish to be an insect when we think we are less than they are, when we are running out of self-esteem. As we cannot become an insect, we make a self-destruction.

Katia Paes