That one who makes you
see a rainy day like a sunny summer day, who waits for the phone rings, who
makes you lose days and days and sometimes the phone does not ring. That one
who you think that you are the only one, but you discover that you are the only
one of that day and the week has seven days, and about faithfulness, there is
only yours. Usually when the woman falls
in love, she is physically faithful; mentally, thinking about him the whole day
and if by the way she sleeps, she dreams about him, and; emotionally. She gets
unaware about everything and about everyone, except for the beloved one. If he
calls, she eats, if he does not call, she does not eat, takes antidepressant
pills, relaxant pills and she still wants to die and even worse, she
externalises her feelings to her family – how the poor ones suffer. So my dear
readers, do like me, if this drives you to be unhappy, never fall in love and
you will not have one single wrinkle and the others will not have to stand your
bad mood, you will not cry compulsively for that one who has not giving you the
minimum attention, who you have had the maximum expectation.
Then you say: “Hypocrite
old woman! You have told in your blog that you have been married for 43 years
and you are not in love?”. The capacity of the human being to get used with is
bad, because in fact I have been married with him because my mother, according to
her, did not accept returns and I did not have where to go and, as the need is
the mother of inventions, I lied to myself, deceived myself that I was happy. I
have eaten the bread made by the devil, but no one needed to know about it. So,
suddenly, amidst many that have showed up and I have not given attention,
because as I have said to you, I have got a horrible feeling for men and look,
I already have met many handsome men, even that took their own life because of
me, because I was afraid of cheating my husband. I was afraid of living
together the hangman of regretfulness and then I did not do it. Now I see me “half
in love” or interested, I do not know, because I have never loved, as I said
once, and unsupportable man, penny pinching. I hope he finds another woman much
better than me. Haven’t I told that only similar live together with similar? Do
you know that proverb: “what the eyes cannot see, the heart cannot feel”? That
is exactly what I am going to do, I am going to disappear. Sometimes I want to
say to him: “You are special”, but if he has not noticed it so far, so he is
not special. Wait for another one in this world or in the other one. The most important
thing is not suffering. There are those women that get a man who love them, who
worship them, who celebrate them, but even though they cheat them. That is the
reason that is better to do not look at any man because except for these last
ones, the others already described above, they only will use you and when they
do not have any desire they will dispose you. Then let us pretend to ourselves:
“Before alone than in bad company”.
I have met another one,
a single one, rich, handsome and with the same age as mine, B. Only as a good
morning, he gave me The ring, but I gave him back because for me, a jewel has a
connotation of being bought or be displayed. I am not like this, I am simple,
for instance: if I am eating a piece of bread and someone that I notice that is
hunger than me shows up, I share it If it can be shared, otherwise I give it
entirely with the excuse that I need to lose weight and this is the second
piece that I am eating. I always though
that the person who gives to others, give to yourself. It is less one day
feeling hungry. Since I am a child I am like this and I want to die like this.
One day I will tell you my history, little by little, and you will understand
it, because I am so frigid and I have gotten used with myself and with the
animals, by the way, I love them and vice-versa. I saved the life of a kitten
that run after me when he saw me. The car was about to hit him and I did not
have any doubt, I threw myself in front of the car and saved his life, taking
him home after this fact, where he passed away holding my hand, at his 17 years
old. His last look was one of gratitude. Luis, mom miss you, one day you come
to take me, because I am done with human beings, it is enough, because soul, at
least from those that I know, they do not have it.
God puts next to you not
your similar, but your neighbour that can be a dog, a cat and I have seen old women
close to physical death, to kick a dog that came to caress her. Is it being a
human being? Me, at her age, I would try to do my best to do not bother the
Creator, because religions apart, there is a cosmic law, unquestionable, which
is the Law of Return. What you seed, you will reap (The Law of Return).
Kátia Paes
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