THE TWO PHASES OF FALSE LOVE

That one who makes you see a rainy day like a sunny summer day, who waits for the phone rings, who makes you lose days and days and sometimes the phone does not ring. That one who you think that you are the only one, but you discover that you are the only one of that day and the week has seven days, and about faithfulness, there is only yours.  Usually when the woman falls in love, she is physically faithful; mentally, thinking about him the whole day and if by the way she sleeps, she dreams about him, and; emotionally. She gets unaware about everything and about everyone, except for the beloved one. If he calls, she eats, if he does not call, she does not eat, takes antidepressant pills, relaxant pills and she still wants to die and even worse, she externalises her feelings to her family – how the poor ones suffer. So my dear readers, do like me, if this drives you to be unhappy, never fall in love and you will not have one single wrinkle and the others will not have to stand your bad mood, you will not cry compulsively for that one who has not giving you the minimum attention, who you have had the maximum expectation.

Then you say: “Hypocrite old woman! You have told in your blog that you have been married for 43 years and you are not in love?”. The capacity of the human being to get used with is bad, because in fact I have been married with him because my mother, according to her, did not accept returns and I did not have where to go and, as the need is the mother of inventions, I lied to myself, deceived myself that I was happy. I have eaten the bread made by the devil, but no one needed to know about it. So, suddenly, amidst many that have showed up and I have not given attention, because as I have said to you, I have got a horrible feeling for men and look, I already have met many handsome men, even that took their own life because of me, because I was afraid of cheating my husband. I was afraid of living together the hangman of regretfulness and then I did not do it. Now I see me “half in love” or interested, I do not know, because I have never loved, as I said once, and unsupportable man, penny pinching. I hope he finds another woman much better than me. Haven’t I told that only similar live together with similar? Do you know that proverb: “what the eyes cannot see, the heart cannot feel”? That is exactly what I am going to do, I am going to disappear. Sometimes I want to say to him: “You are special”, but if he has not noticed it so far, so he is not special. Wait for another one in this world or in the other one. The most important thing is not suffering. There are those women that get a man who love them, who worship them, who celebrate them, but even though they cheat them. That is the reason that is better to do not look at any man because except for these last ones, the others already described above, they only will use you and when they do not have any desire they will dispose you. Then let us pretend to ourselves: “Before alone than in bad company”.

I have met another one, a single one, rich, handsome and with the same age as mine, B. Only as a good morning, he gave me The ring, but I gave him back because for me, a jewel has a connotation of being bought or be displayed. I am not like this, I am simple, for instance: if I am eating a piece of bread and someone that I notice that is hunger than me shows up, I share it If it can be shared, otherwise I give it entirely with the excuse that I need to lose weight and this is the second piece that I am eating.  I always though that the person who gives to others, give to yourself. It is less one day feeling hungry. Since I am a child I am like this and I want to die like this. One day I will tell you my history, little by little, and you will understand it, because I am so frigid and I have gotten used with myself and with the animals, by the way, I love them and vice-versa. I saved the life of a kitten that run after me when he saw me. The car was about to hit him and I did not have any doubt, I threw myself in front of the car and saved his life, taking him home after this fact, where he passed away holding my hand, at his 17 years old. His last look was one of gratitude. Luis, mom miss you, one day you come to take me, because I am done with human beings, it is enough, because soul, at least from those that I know, they do not have it.

God puts next to you not your similar, but your neighbour that can be a dog, a cat and I have seen old women close to physical death, to kick a dog that came to caress her. Is it being a human being? Me, at her age, I would try to do my best to do not bother the Creator, because religions apart, there is a cosmic law, unquestionable, which is the Law of Return. What you seed, you will reap (The Law of Return).

Kátia Paes

LOVE SUBLIME LOVE

Welcome July 14th !! Thank you for the Liberty!! The peasants, the poor people that didn’t have bread, but they had courage for finishing what was wrong to do the correct!! Such a brave people. Thank you, thank you and thank you for putting an end to the Old Regime and leave the world breathes. There was born the Liberty, Equality and Fraternity. We are all brothers and sisters. Nowadays is very easy to make revolutions with bombs and weapons, but I’d like to see them make them as the peasants had done, with agricultural tools, with blood, with heart and mainly – the soul!! One thousand times “Vive la France”!! Even during the World Cup I use white, red and blue to support la France and for singing la Marseillaise!!

Thank you France, because after being a daughter of a man who was removed from the office, after being called by my high school colleagues as subversive, getting spitted on the face, eating only their leftovers, wherever the meal servers are, I hope they are in heaven, If heaven really exists, because they always kept my little plate reserved. Antonia, an Afro-Brazilian measuring 1,80m and in that time it was not common a Brazilian woman measures like that; Zezé who earned a very low salary and when she saw me being mistreated, she cherished me, a thing that my mother didn’t do. Saudades (a feeling when you miss someone or something, in Portuguese). I was blonde and they were all Afro-Brazilians, That’s why I love the Afro-descendants, I have always gotten along with them. I am used to say that many white men got their soul dirtier than our dear Afro-descendants’ colour of skin, still segregated. All my colleagues were Jews or Afro-descendants. Thank you all for respecting me, for cherishing and enlightening me where only there have been darkness and suffering.

Now, a declaration of love to France: since I was a child I loved France, before the Revolution of 1964. After the Revolution, she was my lifeline. I listened to L’amour est bleu (Love is Blue), from Paul Mauriat’s Orchestra, the sexiest bald man that I’ve ever seen, as another song he was used to play with his orchestra, Rain and Tears. I go further, from the conception inside my mother’s womb on, as a foetus, with no idea if I would be girl or boy, my heart was already beating for France. My punishment is not only to be born there, but also to be born in a submissive country to the United States, even it is denied. So you may ask why I have not been to France? Because my mother didn’t like the French people, she thought they were rude and I got angry, saying they were not rude, in fact, they were not hypocrite.  I liked the French painters such as Toulouse Lautrec, Claude Monet and mainly Renoir, my favourite with Pink and Blue (Alice and Elisabeth Cahen d’Anvers). Despite of Van Gogh’s paintings became very famous nowadays, worth a lot and the fact he isn’t French is, for a child, his paintings are scary, they are like I felt inside and every day thinking about the humiliations of the day that I would suffer, caused by the teacher, only for making me suffer. I was scared because I could feel his pain, his disenchantment about the life, the tyrant starvation, merciless.  I love your songs. How the French people can be called rude with songs like Chanson Pour Anna; F Comme Femme, an anthem to the women. France’s air I know it’s lighter than here. Do you know why I never go? Because I know I’ll have to come back and then I’ll miss there a lot.

Do you know that proverb: “what the eyes can’t see, the heart can’t feel?” To me, what concerns about France it’s wrong, because If I see it, my heart will miss it so much, a strong saudade (feeling of missing someone, some place or something), in Portuguese), that I could die. Thank you France for everything that you have done for the humanity, since the fall of Bastille, where hungry peasants fought the nobility with jewels and full bellies. What people nowadays has the courage of your peasants? For each killed soldier, 10 peasants had been killed, at least. You are blessed my dear France! Not even if I’m dead I’ll quit you. Vive la France!

The worst kind of slavery is the one we have the key of the locker and we do not want to open it, because we got habituated with the weight of the chain.

Kátia Paes

RESPECT TO THE US CONSTITUTION’s FIRST AMENDMENT

CIA, FBI, NSA – Disrespect your constitution is not a crime? Why every time I set up a Facebook account, even talking about amenities, they shut it down? Ignoring your constitution this way, which is one of the few things that I like from you, showing the respect to the human being when it allows the freedom of speech. Isn’t it a crime? It is not anymore and haven’t you let everyone knows? You, instead of bringing me to your side, you are confirming what you’ve done to a 6 years old girl who’s got spitted in the face of her school colleagues every day, because the military men had said that I should never be born. Is this the way you want I like you? Chasing me like you did to my father? Screw up this girl, take her rights off! She’s na animal! I’d appreciate if you respect it, because even me, the animal, respects it and likes it that much. I’ve got to tell you if John Fitzgerald Kennedy would be unanimity, he wouldn’t have died in Dallas. Then there’s no such unanimity, furthermore, not even Christ had, he died on the cross.

Kátia Paes