SORROW – 2016, THE SADDEST YEAR OF MY LIFE

I lost only people that made the difference in my life, that gave me hope, that dried my tears with their songs that caressed my ears. It started with David Bowie (Sorrow – His song that I love more and the version of Comfortably Numb, outshining the original one sung by Roger Waters); Alan Rickman (that didn’t sing, but was enchanting with the most expressive eyes of the movies and acted much better than Bruce Willis in Die Hard); Prince Rogers Nelson (aka Prince – Purple Rain!); Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou (aka George Michael – Careless Whisper!) and my mother, even mistreating me, beating me, spanking me and taking out my blood, prepared me for the world.

My solace is to know that you are there in the sky. When I stare at you all there, I will see a portion of stars singing to the angels and comforting me when I see you shining over the darkness of my soul and saying: Katia, go forward!

Thank you so much to you all. God Bless you all always and I feel, feel, saudades (miss you a lot). You only made me good, I am talking about the singers, by the rare happy moments that I had in my life that were given to me for you all.

Katia Paes

THE DESOLATE HEART - THE PORTRAIT

For you who always knew who I am, the desolate heart, saying that I suffered so much, congratulations! You have the sensibility in full bloom and the intelligence touching the sky. I was sold in 20th. I was not sold by money, but by a pension.

The marriage which is done without the communion of souls does not worth anything for the communion of bodies, this way tending to fail like this one of the photo below, mine.

For those who never read the story, here is the link: http://dkfeelings.blogspot.com.br/2016/04/the-desolate-heart.html

Kátia Paes

THE 4th STAGE OF LOVE

There are four sorts of love in our life: the spring one, with its innocence, sometimes warm, sometimes tepid, and full of hope like the flowers that unbutton. We listen the birds singing even when they do not sing. This is the love which the single sin is being naïve, we blindly believe in the person and not for few times we get disappointed with him or her, then the summer love comes next, warm, possessive, sex 24 hours per day and If we make and stand it, like John and Yoko, this is that one that you kill in the illogical and sudden reaction of the anger. 99% sex and 1% of the rest. Usually the men’s working head is the low one, not the upper one and then comes the adultery, many children, divorce, etc…

Afterwards, like a calm and ease sea, comes the autumn. We want more a faithful companion. We have two ears to listen to and one mouth to speak less, sex on the right measure, more comprehension and less discussion.

In my opinion, the perfect love is the winter one. This one happens when we have passed through the largest part of deceptions of other loves and we have got experienced, the comprehension worth much more, to listen to the other, the sex is truth, it decreases as the time goes by, but surely you will have besides a husband, a friend and companion for all occasions. It is a pity this love is so perfect, but it lasts a short time, because we hit the maturity with it. We acquire patience, tolerance and we love fully, no defects, because more than everything is our companion, it is a total complicity, it is when we arrive to the plenitude of love, that is why it is so short, because it is so perfect and all perfection lasts a short period.

In the end we already are beaten, we suffered and got disappointed. The good thing would be the absence of the perfection of the winter and the follies of the summer, that it was autumn where we could be lovers and accomplices. In other words, the spring love sins by the naïveté, not for virtue, not because of the innocence in thinking we know everything and we know nothing, we’ve barely took out our diapers. In the summer love, we sin due to the excess because everything is exaggerated. The spring love for me is the perfect one, because If we know how to drive it we arrive in the winter love, where usually we sin for its short period of lasting because we are old and the illness make us companionship. It is so perfect that when someone from the couple pass away the other goes right behind, think well, we are talking about true love.

This is a weekly saga in which I am going to talk about with real examples, but the worst of all of them is do not know any of them.

Katia Paes

THE BIGGEST LIE

To all those people who will have a sad Christmas like me due to human losses, material losses, ingratitude, forgetfulness, I ask you to be brave or do like me, make it a common day, that it is supposed to be, because in the end this was a pagan celebration borrowed by the Christians. Well, If you think Christ was born on December 25^th I cannot assure, I was not there, I was not born yet, so do it like me, lock yourself in the bedroom, in the living room, play a good music loud and remember: don’t cook, because everybody regrets on 25^th. This is the day that the world commits the sin of the GLUTTONY. Among the seven ones, there are better sins. Listen to a big truth: God is with you during all days of your life and He will send his angels to consulate you. Keep in mind that there is no evil that lasts forever and neither a never-ending good. It is just one day. You will have more 364 to turn the table. Make profit of 31^st to thank for you close 2016 while many people have not achieved, you are alive. You should think “what an annoying woman” to tell me how I should act, but I do not want you feel the only person to suffer while in the world there are more people like us. If the tears fall hardly off your face, do not dry them, even less try to hold them up because they are washing out your heart and your soul. The pain or hate which you are feeling get weak with time, only the hurt is everlasting or while we are in this world. Remember one thing that makes you good, about a fact that makes you happy, so it will make you a good feeling.

Me, in my opinion, I want make it clear, in my opinion, I think Christmas, the symbol of Santa Claus the most inhuman figure for those who are not lucky of having a good financial situation. Think about a child that lives on the streets or a child whose father is unemployed, when the other kids, living in good conditions, start showing their new toys, how suffering it is going to be to this poor child. I know that I stopped believing on him, because I always wanted a bike that never came and for my brother it was there, leant on his bed. The truth popped up before my eyes and the hurt in my heart. What did I do to do not deserve the bicycle? I was not mean! Who follows my blog knows that I am a survivor from the Revolution of 64. My mom was used to paint, make some crafts and I went out to sell them along with my Aunt Olivia, besides I sell them at the high school. In the week that precedes the New Year, I went with my aunt to Caxias in order to sell some t-shirts for my mom, so someone asked me why I was so sad and I said that I had no idea why Santa Claus forgot one more time my bicycle. I was wondering if he had really received my letter or If he switched me by another child by mistake? Then one young lady called me at the corner, her name was Leondina, and told me the truth, so I lost my ground, my mother had my brother as favourite and me, the one who helped her that much, was not her favourite or she didn’t like a girl like child, maybe it is, isn’t it? So Leondina told me this way:

- Katia, do not be sad. The human being in its biggest part has a bad essence. See how they treat the animals and their neighbours. Christmas is a big mean lie, because it diminishes, it segregates and it revolts those who cannot celebrate it.

I replied:

- No, it is not mean.

And her:

- No? Let’s see: your neighbour doesn’t talk to you the whole year and in the Christmas he or she wishes you a Merry Christmas and after you are forgotten during the round year again. Do you want another example?

And I said her:

- I want it.

Then:

- The mother says to Little John: “You cannot lie lad! It is ugly and God punishes who lies!” Right after the mother comes back and asks: “What are you going to ask to Santa Claus, my son? Do not forget to send the little letter, otherwise he will not come”. Do you want a lie bigger than this one?

Coming back to the current days I am going to pretend that he exists and ask him the truth in first place, no inequality, where the people remind of the 10 commandments and make to others what they would do for themselves and this Christmas spirit would last the whole year, not this day of gluttonousness and many times of ostentation, that the poor had eaten all the year long, with worthy health. I do not wish that there is no corruption because it will always exist, it is addicting and desiring that it gets extinguished is an utopia or a miracle and I am very grounded. I believe in miracles, but not this one, because it depends of the human being, not from God. My friend, I wish we have an awesome day 25^th,26^th, 27^th… an awesome 2017!!!

Amen, kisses from the friend Katia Paes.